I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
