i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
