He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
