how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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