i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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