i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
