can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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