3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
