I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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