she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
