That's when you crack a 10am beer
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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