if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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