You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
