I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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