she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
