take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
