ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
