I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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