this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
