that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
