he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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