just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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