One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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