i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
