Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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