I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
