It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
