boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I need moral support for this bender
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
