I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
