so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
