I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
