I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i love accidental penises.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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