she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
