She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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