ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
