i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
