My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
