Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
