Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Randomize
