Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
