Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
