Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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