Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
