I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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