Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
