Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
