I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
