I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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