So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
