I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
